Keeping the YBR Commencement address tradition alive, here is the 2013 address delivered by the Wizard of Oz:
Tom Hanks was busy on Broadway, Meryl Streep is off in Mozambique filming a movie, One Direction was going in a different direction and Lindsay Lohan just checked into the Emerald Rehab Center, so at the last minute I, the president of Emerald City University, will be your honored 2013 commencement speaker, at a bargain price of only $25,000.
While I have been unmasked, or in my case “uncurtained” as a humbug, let me tell you that everything I say today will be the unvarnished truth…or close to it, perhaps. Maybe.
With tuition, room and board, unnecessary fees, books, and supplies, you, members of the Class of 2013, have paid roughly $200,000 for your education. Many of you will leave here in debt and without the prospect of a decent paying job. Hell, most of you won’t even be able to get a job at Five Munchkins, the hamburger joint I just opened in Oz.
But don’t let that get you down, because while you can put a price tag on a degree, you really can’t put a price tag on learning. If you came here simply to “earn” a degree, you not only wasted your time, you threw away $200,000, because you could have gone online and bought an Emerald City Degree for $10.95 plus shipping and handling.
A degree, my friends, is not worth the paper it’s printed on. Learning, as the makers of Master Card say, is priceless. Trust me when I say that. Those of you who spent four years here in the hallowed halls of academia were presented with an opportunity that usually only comes once in a lifetime. Some students think of college as a big Quicky Mart where they filled up on high-priced junk food. Others approached their stay at college from the perspective of a shopper at a ShopRite or a Publics where they had aisles and aisles of items to choose from to prepare their academic meal. Others still, opted to have an organic college experience. Instead of loading up their shopping cart with packaged foods, they shopped around and went to a fruit and vegetable stand for fresh produce; they went to a farmer for range-free eggs, and meats from animals that were not fed hormones; and instead of buying baked goods off the shelf, they bought fresh ingredients and baked their own bread.
Students like that “learned.” Students like that took the time to become educated. Instead of fretting over a grade, they explored the material to see what gems they could add to their lives. Instead of only taking safe courses, they expanded their minds by taking courses that challenged them to think.
And that, young graduates, is the purpose of a college education. To think. And not only to think, but to take action, to be involved in the world.
Think how many spring break trips you could have taken for $200,000. Think about the buzz and all the cavorting you could have done in Cancun, the Virgin Islands (are there still any virgin islands left in the world?), the Riviera, New Orleans, etc., etc.
But think about how far you could have traveled here in Emerald City University if you had used your passport to learning to unlock all the doors of wonder that awaited you.
To quote my dear friend, Dr. Seuss, “Oh, the Places You’ll Go”
“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go..”
My hot air balloon awaits me, so let me tell you something about the price of an education. You get out of it what you put into it. You’ll have a number of jobs before you call it quits. And if your education was limited to getting jobs…and that makes you happy, then so be it. But, if your education puts you on your own yellow brick road, then you have invested wisely for you will be prepared for the journey that will last your lifetime.
“Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You’re off to Great Places!
You’re off and away!”
Do yourself proud. Keep on truckin’
Along The Yellow Brick Road 