Archive for December, 2011


Verizon’s ethically questionable payment fee was on the horizon, but fortunately the curtain rang down on it before it became just another corporate attempt to extort money from already cash-strapped working blokes. With added fees everywhere you look, from checked baggage fees to ATM fees, nothing costs what it costs. Makes you wonder what’s in store for 2012.  Here are some ideas that we could very well see.

Pew fees (an across-the-denomination fee). Why stop at the collection plate? Why not charge the faithful for sitting down to be lulled to sleep by an enthralling sermon?

Sin tax (for Catholics only). Provide Catholics with a Sin card they have to swipe before they can be absolved from their sins. Sort of a new spin on the old indulgence payola of pre-Vatican II.

Holy Water dispensers (again for Catholics only):  Upgrade regular blessed water to Holy Perrier and plunk in two quarters and you’ll get a holy squirt.

Pay toilets on airplanes: Why not?

Cushion fee: Why should airline passengers think they should have a cushion on their seat.  In 2012 I predict a $5 cushion fee.  The airlines will rake in millions.

Cone fee: In 2012 they won’t raise the price of ice cream, but expect to pay a $1 if you want it in a cone.

Sunny day fee: Why should nice weather be free?  In 2012 we’ll be billed for sunny days with an extra fee for a blue sky.

Plate Fee: With the cost of food going up, many people are not eating out as much as they used to, so why not keep the menu prices the same as 2011, but introduce a plate fee…and if that works, add a utensil fee.

Politician Fee: With 2012 an election year, why not create an honesty fee.  Any politician who says or does anything dishonest will have to pay a hefty fee. A subsequent fee will be a charge for running a dirty campaign. Could be the end of politics as we know it.)

Imagination Fee:  Not a big money maker for I fear imagination is a thing of the past. But if there were an imagination fee, I would be willing to pay it.


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Christmas Wish List from Oz


A pair of ruby Nikes
A new galvanized bucket filled with gin
A (short) leash/choke collar for Toto
A GPS (No more “recalculating for me!)


A (short) leash/choke collar for Dorothy
A dreidel chew toy. (Bet you didn’t know I was Jewish!)


To be re-stuffed with hypo-allergenic, hay made from recyclable material
No brain, please. (Brains are highly over-rated and appear to have no value.)

Tin Man

A case of 10W/40 synthetic oil
A light-weight ax

No heart, please. (Why risk having it broken by some a** h***)


A high-priced spa package
A de-lousing treatment
No courage, please. (I plan on running for public office and courage will get in the way)

The Wizard

Some pepper spray to ward off annoying dogs
Anything that’s not green for God’s sake

The Wicked Witch

A high-tech, waterproof rain coat
A Dyson vacuum to replace that out-of-date broom


Voice lessons
A new dress…I’m tired of being mistaken for Lady GaGa. I’m Lady GlinGlin!)

Uncle Henry

A subscription to Playboy
A divorce from Em

Aunt Em

A subscription to Playgirl
A divorce from that dolt, Henry


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