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Archive for the ‘Heart’ Category

“Uncle Henry never laughed. He worked very hard from early morning till late night and did not know what joy was. He was gray too, from his long beard to his rough boots, and he looked stern and solemn, and rarely spoke.”
―The Wonderful Wizard of Oz (1900)

While it’s traditional to begin a commencement address with a joke or a humorous anecdote, I will not break character. Although it is hard to believe, I never laughed. I was stern and silent. I was gray in a gray world. Rather than regale you with bromides and empty promises, I want to talk to you from the heart in an intelligent way with the courage of my convictions.

I shed a bucketful of tears the other day when I learned of the shooting at Robb Elementary in Uvalde, Texas. That such a tragic event should cast a dark cloud over your special day is powerfully sad. However, sadness is like a cancer that spreads like wildfire.

As sad as the most recent mass shooting in a school is, what is sadder is if we forget before we do something about it.

You might be asking yourself what you possibly do about it. You have enough on your plate: college loans, Covid, inflation, and supply chain issues to name just a few of the potholes on your yellow brick road.

Did college prepare you for the “real world?” Are you ready to take your place as an active participant in the life that awaits you? I am here to tell you that if you spent the last four years of your life only focused on getting an entry-level job at the expense of becoming the person you could be, then you wasted four years of your life.

As a young child you learned how to read. But unless you read to learn, you have many miles to go because learning is the carrot on the end of the stick. Learning is the spur that urges us on. Learning did not only happen in your classes. In fact, I believe that not much real learning goes on in the classroom. Learning was hiding all over the campus. Learning masqueraded as an opportunity. And as an old man, I can tell you that opportunity is not a lengthy visitor.

That’s the message I want to give you today. Be aware of the opportunities that tap you on the shoulder and then choose wisely because you have a lot to consider when an opportunity comes your way.

If you did learn anything in college, I hope you learned how to think….critically; how to love…unconditionally; and how to have the courage to stand up to the forces of evil that will come your way.

Don’t allow yourself to become gray. Don’t believe there is nothing you can do, because every act of kindness you do will make a difference in the world. Don’t wait for tomorrow to live. Live now. Open yourself to new and meaningful friendships. Open your mind to new ideas. Have fun doing whatever you do. Find something to be enthusiastic about and find something to be indignant about. Then do something about both.

And lastly, appreciate the gift of life because it is a precious gift, a gift that was denied to the precious children and teachers at Robb Elementary. Since their names will never be called at a college commencement, I would like to end my talk to you today by calling out the names of those innocent children and the two wonderful teachers whose lives were cut short:

  • Makenna Lee Elrod
  • Layla Salazar
  • Maranda Mathis
  • Nevaeh Bravo
  • Jose Manuel Flores Jr.
  • Xavier Lopez
  • Tess Marie Mata
  • Rojelio Torres
  • Eliahna “Ellie” Amyah Garcia
  • Eliahna A. Torres
  • Annabell Guadalupe Rodriguez
  • Jackie Cazares
  • Uziyah Garcia
  • Jayce Carmelo Luevanos
  • Maite Yuleana Rodriguez
  • Jailah Nicole Silguero
  • Amerie Jo Garza
  • Alexandria “Lexi” Aniyah Rubio
  • Alithia Ramirez
  • Eva Mireles (teacher)
  • Irma Garcia (teacher)

Go forth today believing that you are a unique crayon whose job it is to add your color to the world. And don’t forget to color outside the lines!

Don’t go gray!

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Between May 1961 and the end of 1972, there were 159 hijackings in American airspace. The majority of those were between ’68 and ’72, a five-year stretch, and sometimes they happened at the rate of one per week. You could have multiple hijackings in the same day — it was not an infrequent occurrence.”

I am a member of that shrinking community that remembers hijackings. In the spring of ’69 I flew home on El Al after spending a year studying abroad. Two soldiers holding machine guns were sitting in the rear of the plane. El Al was a likely candidate for being hijacked. Was I scared? Not really, and not because I felt invincible. I just didn’t want to be paralyzed by fear.

Today airline passengers rarely, if ever, worry about being hijacked. Measures are in place to minimize the risk. Today, though, we have new and more pernicious fears. The fear that fills us today was activated by yesterday’s elementary school shooting in Texas where 19 “innocent” children and two “innocent” educators were killed.

This tragedy overshadows any other fear we can think of because it is universal. Rare is the person who doesn’t have an emotional connection with a child. Rare is the person who has not been moved to tears by the tragic loss of life…again, in a school where innocence should reign supreme.

The airwaves and every form of social media will be flooded with outrage. Gun-talk will dominate many conversations. And the opinions will be divided. Stronger measures to make our schools a safe place will be bandied about. Some will argue that short of making our schools more “prison-like,” our schools are too vulnerable. They are literally sitting targets.

Teachers, who are on the front line, are totally distraught today, and rightfully so. They feel so helpless. They can’t help but think that such a tragedy could happen at their school. They are at risk of being paralyzed by fear. And it doesn’t help to tell a teacher that the “odds” of a school shooting happening at their school are a million to one. What happened at Robb Elementary (Texas) yesterday…what happened at Stoneman Douglas High School (Florida) in 2018…what happened at Sandy Hook Elementary (Connecticut) in 2012…and what happened at Columbine High School (Colorado) in 1999, happened in EVERY school in America because there isn’t a teacher who doesn’t believe or wonder that it could happen “here.”

Short of gun laws and extreme protection methods what can a teacher do? The fear of not being able to do anything will result in emotional paralysis…and that would be terrible for their students. As tragic as last week’s shooting at a grocery store in Buffalo was, people will continue to shop. The reason behind the Tops grocery store shooting can be identified and isolated. It can be rightfully called an extreme racist act, and as such the matter can be discussed. But, a school shooting? Such an act defies reason, and that’s why it leaves us heartbroken and helpless.

Does that mean we can’t do anything? I think there is something we can all do, and it needs to go way beyond talking about mental illness, even though mental illness has been a common factor among all the shooters.

Here’s something to consider, or should I say, ponder, and I suggest this at the risk of being called a sexist. The shooters were all males—-teens or young men. That’s not to say that a teen girl or young woman could not have been a shooter.

I have no answer, but I do think it is a question to consider.

And while we’re considering that, here’s something else to think about. Regardless of the age of the shooter, once-upon-a-time he was an innocent young boy. He was a pre-schooler, a kindergartener, a first-grader….He was in “your” class.

With anywhere from 20 to 30 students in a class, it is a gargantuan task for a teacher to connect with each and every one of their students. When a teacher greets their students on the first day of a new school year, they have no idea who those students (really) are. Since in my experience teachers are generally kind and loving people, they only see the goodness and innocence of their students. But, not all students are alike. As much as we don’t want to admit it, not all children come from loving homes. And where there is no love being shown at home, it is a challenge for a child to believe they are capable of being loved, and as a result they often don’t know how to love.

Unfortunately, many of those children fall through the cracks, especially if they are quiet loners. And then there are the “troublemakers,” the student who is the bane of existence for even the strongest teacher.

The expression that the “child is father to the man,” is so true. Without the ability to deal with the pain of not being loved or fitting in, or being the butt of “mean” kids, many children sail the seas of childhood without a rudder.

Teachers, since many of them are also parents, know how difficult it is to parent a child. If a parent is not really equipped to be a parent, there is a risk that the parent might overlook the tell-tale signs of a troubled child. Or in some cases, the parent is dealing with emotional or mental issues that have a long-lasting impact on their child.

Love is never part of a school curriculum, but loving always has a place in every class across America. Just imagine that if even only one or two teachers along the way provide that love and care a student needs, what a difference there could be. And if a teacher’s gut tells them there is something amiss with a child, how great it would be if just one or two teachers might be the “force” for change in a child’s life.

Love and kindness. Openness and inclusion. Cheer and goodwill. All are, in my opinion, in a teacher’s “wheelhouse.”

The “Prayer of St. Francis” comes to mind

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

That’s a big order for a teacher, but I believe if a teacher believes they are a force for good, they can do something to change the horrid landscape of school shootings. Instead of going to the head of the class with fear in their hearts, they need to shower their students with the goodness that comes from being a teacher.

Of course a teacher still needs to be cautious and prepared for the unexpected, but the fear of what could happen should not overshadow all the good that will happen.

Needless to say, we are living through extraordinary times. Anger and hatred have divided us in ways that none of us ever expected. The chasm that divided us has caused a terrible vacuum…and the little I know about the subject, nature abhors a vacuum. As a result, our children are being sucked into the black hole of despair. Our children are suffocating.

There should be an app to take care of this heinous vacuum. The funny thing is, there is an app. It’s the app of care and kindness. It’s an app that is powered by the love we have stored in our hearts.

While there is no way to say for certain that school shootings will go the way of air hijacking, I believe that our teachers, with the help of sane legislation, will make a big difference for our children.

Dedicated to the innocent victims at Uvalade.
In memory of all our children lost to the madness of school shootings.
In honor of my daughter Jennifer Begley Devine; my daughters-in-law, Sarah Miressi Begley and Courtney Muller Begley; my sister-in-law, Annette Luzon Harstein; and my niece, Jenna Hartstein – wonderful teachers all who teach our children to reach for the stars.

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muck and mire

Preface in the name of transparency: I could never run for political office because I don’t wear a hat I could throw in the ring. I never have and never will wear a MAGA hat. I also won’t wear a hat bearing any symbols of the party that embraces donkey icons.

The 2020 Presidential Race on the YBR. Here we go again.

This is not the first presidential race where I scratch my head and say, “is this the best we can do?”  And while every presidential race is important, this one, I firmly believe, carries with it a weight that might even surpass that of the elections during World War I, the Great depression, and World War II. In 2020 we are going to the polls not only to elect the next president of the United States but of a world leader with 20/20 vision because POTUS has to have a world vision.

I ask, is this possible since we have, for lack of a better name, Muck and Mire running for office.

So we are all on the same page here, let’s refer to Mr. Funk and Mr. Wagnalls: muck is slimy mud while mire is deep mud.

Donald Muck is, without a doubt, slimy mud.  Putting aside both the ass-kissers who would follow Mr. Muck into hell and the brainless haters of the Muck who wouldn’t approve anything he did even if he walked on water, he is slimy. Giving him credit where credit is due and calling him out on some of his most egregious decisions, there is something slimy about the man. And that is not meant to be a disparaging term for a man who holds the highest office in the land. President Muck came up through the slime that comes from years of wheeling and dealing, rolling in the money, playing kissy-kissy with mindless jet-setters, and playing the part of a celebrity.

There was no way that anyone who lived such a life could not have been covered with muck. And as far as I know, there doesn’t seem to be a cure for muckiness because an inflated ego can never be cleaned.

At this point in time it appears the former Vice-President Joe Mire is going to be the candidate endorsed by the Democrats.  Joe Mire appears to be a nice and decent guy. In fact the first word that comes to mind is “harmless.”  Harmless? Is that the penultimate quality we want in our next president?  He might have served as vice-president under President Obama for eight years, but the only image I have of him reminds me of a great-uncle who smiled a lot, but was never in the room when important matters were discussed.  (And let’s be honest, Obama was playing it politically cool during the early days of the Democratic run-for-the White House.)

Joe Mire didn’t get to his political pinnacle the same way Donald Mire scaled the heights of richdom, but Good ‘ol Joe is deep in the political mud.  He played the right games, kissed the right assess, and made the most banal comments to get him where he is today.

OMG! Muck and Mire!  If there is a God can we all get down on our knees and pray for a do-over.

My gut tells me that the next four years are going to be wasted years.  The Dems don’t want to present us with greatness in any shape and form for fear that it would destroy that candidates political career in a race against Muck. And of course any sensible (if there are any left) Republican realizes it would be impossible to offer America another candidate.

Politics is not only a dirty game, it is sinful.  Our two party system is totally outdated.  It’s like an eight-track player in a day when everyone is streaming their music.  Instead of having only two boring stations to listen to, people are listening to their music, their way.

At my age I won’t live to see it happen, but I pray that my children and grandchildren will live at a time when instead of another presidential race with the next Muck and Mire, they have a chance to vote for Ready or Willing and maybe a third candidate Able.

read and willing

Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have a candidate who was really ready to take the presidential oath of office and swear they would uphold and defend the Constitution of the United States. How refreshing would it be to have a candidate ready to consider the needs of ALL Americans without playing petty party politics..even if it mean only serving one term.  Can you imagine a president ready to take on the challenges of helping the world become a place where all people are all entitled to those inalienable rights of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness!

And what about a Willing candidate?  Is it possible to have a president who is willing to break the chains of partisanship? Can you envision a time when President Willing doesn’t have to reach across the aisle because there is no aisle that divides Congress? What a new day it would be if we had a president who was willing to put the people first instead of the party.

Candidate Able could also be a viable candidate, but, they might not be necessary as long as both candidates Ready and Willing were able to lead with the qualities found along the Yellow Brick Road… intelligence, heart, and courage…to do the right thing.

(Please note that no alcohol was consumed while posting this blog.)

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mountain top

Dorothy never had to climb a mountain in Oz because, as far as I know, there were no mountains mentioned by L. Frank Baum. There was, instead, the long and winding Yellow Brick Road (YBR) that stretched from Munchkin Land to the Emerald City.

I had the privilege this morning of having a phone conversation with one of the best students I ever had the good fortune of having during my 17 year “tenure” at Marist College. (He was actually not one of the best, he was the best.)

During the course of our conversation I talked about how in life we climb a mountain.  Obviously it was an analogy, but I thrive on analogies. Hence, a blog about mountain climbing.

Rare is the person who doesn’t envision a mountain they want or need to climb.  It becomes a goal. The desire to reach the summit becomes a driving force in their life.  Making it to the top of the mountain often becomes an obsession.

I like mountains.  I think having a mountain in your life is a “thing.”  I don’t say a good or bad thing because there are so many factors involved in climbing the mountain that could eventually define us and be the pinnacle of our life story.

I hasten to add that the mountain must be your mountain.  We should never climb someone else’s mountain or else we risk wasting our life on the climb up. And if we are sure we are climbing our mountain, it would help if we knew what we hoped to accomplish be making the climb.

In one of his most famous speeches, Martin Luther King, Jr. told us he had been to the mountaintop and saw the promised land.  That’s something only a handful of people ever achieve. But, as we all know, MLK’s journey to the mountaintop was arduous.

I don’t know of any MLK mountain climbers, but that’s not because I am not surrounded by many good people, it’s just that most of us see fame, success, riches, etc. at the top of the mountain. We don’t see what Lincoln, MLK, Gandhi, Rosa Parks, Anne Frank…did when they set out to climb their mountain.

Today there have been many people who have reached the summit of their mountain only to be enveloped in a cloud that prevents them from seeing “the promised land.”  Instead of having increased vision, they settle for the fame or notoriety that came from scaling the mountain.

I applaud all those noble mountain climbers who are selfless trekkers. I salute those who did see a promised land.

However, I need to add that our lives are not diminished if we are not mountain climbers.  We need to take pride in our journey on the YBR because along the way we will learn to think more clearly, love more dearly, and have the courage of our convictions.

ybr

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bomb drill

Life for a kid growing up in the 1950s was not “Ozzie and Harriet,” “Father Knows Best,” or even “Lassie.”  That’s what my generation was led to believe, but the truth did not have a laugh track.  Early Baby Boomers were afraid of nuclear annihilation.

60+ years after the fact I still have nightmares about the monthly atomic bomb drills we had. With our heads tucked under our hands and our little bodies scrunched up against the wall we were preparing for the inevitable dropping of an atomic bomb.

Fear. It was part of our food chart, right between fruits and vegetables and protein.

Fear is what drives us to be less than human because it causes us to lose all sense of compassion.  Fear of the unknown was behind the Salem Witch Trials. Fear of taking a stand against tyrants is what led to the Holocaust.

Fear filled Dorothy’s slippers the moment she stepped foot on the yellow brick road. Fear of the Wicked Witch of the West haunted her on her journey to Oz. But, fear was not Dorothy’s undoing as it is for many of us. Dorothy wasn’t afraid of her fear. (That’s what I think FDR meant when he said “all we have to fear is fear itself.”)

The 9/11 attacks gave us something to fear, but as a people we didn’t let our fear get the best of us. Instead, we turned fear inside out and we discovered something magical. We discovered that what was dividing us as a nation was our fear.  It took a tragic incident to wake us up.

Today,  fear has once again reared its ugly head in the form of another deadly pandemic. It doesn’t matter a hoot that pandemics are a part of world history.  It doesn’t matter that the bubonic plague wiped out nearly 75% of the world’s population or that the Spanish Flu of 1918 eventually stole the life of 50 million people world-wide.  What matters is what is happening today…and along with the Corona virus fear is spreading faster than the germs of a sneeze.

There’s no denying that our nation is divided. There is no doubt that ignorance is what is fueling our fear. Our fear is getting the best of us. That does not mean to say we have no reason to be afraid of what COVID-19 can and is doing. However, our fear is making us turn into very ugly people.

It hasn’t happened yet, and I pray that it doesn’t, but our fear could drive us to turn savage. God knows what could happen between two people fighting over that last roll of toilet paper.

It reminds me of a Playhouse  90 television show I saw as a kid. It was called Alas, Babylon, and it was about none other than the dreaded dropping of an atomic bond.

The scene was burnished into my brain. People were in line at a grocery store.  It was pure pandemonium. The shelves were empty. People were beating each other up over food.  (The scene made me very sad.)

We are like Dorothy, but instead of dropping a house on a witch, the house has dropped on us and we are all crawling out from underneath the rubble. The look of fear is etched on our faces. We are beginning to fear that this is the end times.

I think we have to go back and see what Dorothy did. More importantly we have to remember that she didn’t do it alone.  She found friends with a common goal and marched arm-in-arm with them to Oz.  Even though she and her three traveling companions…and Toto, too, were filled with fear, they supported one another.

We need to do that.  That doesn’t mean we have to be care-free. We need to be cautious as cautious as the travelers were on the YBR when they were in the deepest and darkest part of the forest. (Lions and tigers and bears, oh, my. Rinse. Repeat.)  Dorothy had already embraced the Scarecrow (brains) and was filled with heart (the Tin Man), but she lacked the courage she needed to vanquish her fears.

It was fitting that the king of the forest had not yet discovered his inner courage because that’s what happens to us.  We never know how brave we can be until we come face-to-face with fear.

While we have to place our trust in the hands of scientists and “leaders,” we are not helpless.  We can relieve our fear by relishing the love that we share with family and friends. We can face this pandemic by using our head, heeding our hearts and finding the courage to do the right thing.  And what is the right thing?  Spreading kindness wherever we go. Don’t let this pandemic reduce us to savage beasts. Let’s all rise to the occasion and be kind to one another.  Don’t kill each other over that last roll of toilet paper. Figure out a way to meet each other’s needs.

Who knows, when this pandemic passes maybe we’ll all remember how kindness won the day and fear was sent packing.

.

 

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