What do you call an unforgettable character who you’ve never met? In my case, he’d be my father, or to be more accurate, my birth father. But even ‘birth father’ is not right, especially since he had nothing to do with me. In truth, he merely ‘fathered me.’
With my interest in The Wizard of Oz coinciding with my interest in my adoption, it was only natural that on my journey along the YBR I would go looking for my ‘father.’ (Despite whatever I might have written in the past, I was probably more drawn to finding my ‘father’ than I was my ‘mother.’)
Because I had some innate inclination to be invigorated by the stage…and because I was born at St. Clare’s Hospital in the heart of the Broadway theater district…I would imagine (fantasize) that my father was either an upcoming playwright or a young director and my mother was a young actress.
I also believed that my father was in some sense the Wizard of Oz on my YBR. I somehow expected (wanted) him to grant my wishes. I guess you could accuse me of idolizing this imaginary man.
When I located my ‘birth mother,’ who was not an actress, I still held onto my fantasy about my father.
Ironically, he was a writer. He was even a playwright and a director. (He was Alan Alda’s English teacher and directed Mr. Alda in some high school productions.) He was also a priest. (That was never part of my fantasy.)
Since my ‘birth father’ died in a car accident when I was four years old, I was never going to have the chance to meet him. I had to settle for little bits and pieces of information about him from other sources. (My ‘birth mother’ was reluctant to talk about him.)
Now we all know priests are not supposed to have children. I get it. But he did. And that sort of made him much like the wizard in the Wizard of Oz. I had unmasked him. He wasn’t a wizard. He was a hum bug.
Now before we cast judgment on a wizard who is really a hum bug, let’s be honest, there’s more hum bug in all of us than there is wizard. And it was unfair of me to expect my father to be someone who was going to grant me some wishes.
And while there are people who say my father was a bad man, I say he was just a bad wizard, not a bad man. He could be found guilty of making some pretty bad decisions, but who among us couldn’t be found guilty of bad decisions.
No, my father wasn’t the wizard I had hoped to find on the YBR, but I do owe him my life…mistake or no mistake. And every time I look into the faces of my four children, I have to thank him. And now that I have two grandchildren (and another on the way), I thank him all over again for such beautiful gifts.
We all need to be careful of what we go looking for on the YBR. It might not be what we expect. (more on this subject on a future ‘blagh.’)
Good article!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I googled James Kevin Hargrove, and found your article. Very interesting – my parents were in the Air Force where they met and were friends with the Catholic chaplain, Fr Hargrove. He must have made an incredible impression on them as I was named after him. I never met him but I did meet his sister who was a nun – she was extraordinary. She passed away about 10 years ago.
Vinnie
I admire your balance. Growing up, everyone my family spoke highly about about Father Jim. It was sad to learn he had abused his power as a priest. It is comforting to know that good (you and your family) has emerged from the darkness.